The one with being a Bride

It’s just two weeks before our wedding day! Time flies so fast. I wonder where it all went. It seems like it has been just yesterday that we were looking for a venue, then a caterer, then a photographer, so on and so forth. But we enjoyed every bit of preparing…tiring but enjoyable. Oh and yes, I too, have met and made many friends along our wedding preparations, something that I will forever be grateful for.

It took us exactly a year to prepare for our wedding. And I think I’d have to agree that there are really stages that a bride undergoes when preparing for a wedding. Some of the stages may happen at the same time, some may come first and others later than expected depending on the couple. Here’s what I have to say:

The “elated” couple – After having been proposed to and having that “This is it!” feeling, a bride will be overwhelmed with so many wedding ideas and concepts that she has since she started making pillow cases her veil. This is when you formally talk about your wedding, where you are excited and eager to sit down and discuss what kind of wedding you want to have. This is where you share your dream wedding to your fiancé and hopefully he will agree (read: budget! Haha)

The “booking” couple – Oh yes, excitement keeps rushing in…This is where you feel that the perfect venue you’ve always dreamt of has been filled in already, where you will feel that the time you started preparing is so little, you’d want to move your wedding to another date. Haha, you’d realize that all your “dream” suppliers have been booked already. I think this is a very critical time for a couple since this stage gives them the whole idea of their wedding, how much budget they’d have to allot for the wedding, church or garden wedding?, how many guests? But more importantly, I love this stage especially the part when you attend all bridal fairs, and I love that sense of fulfillment and assurance you get after you book a supplier, that feeling that everything’s starting to take shape. I think this is the longest and most enjoyable stage in a couple’s preparation because even before weeks before your wedding, one way or another, there will still be a need to buy something (like shoes, party poppers, accessories, and other last minute wedding rush)

The “coffee” couple – After booking our major suppliers, Simon and I would schedule our meetings, usually long-hours coffee meetings on a Friday night, and prepare all the necessary checklists, schedules of meetings, measurements, fittings, invitation mock-ups, shopping...I could have all day writing our list and still not have enough time! But it’s fun. This is where you bond with your fiancé, you get the kilig feeling that he wants to prepare with you. Although, sometimes, this is a breeding ground for petty arguments as well. I remember the time when we fought about the make-up artist I want to book. I ended up looking for another more affordable MUA and although I didn’t book the previous one, I ended up being friends with her. (hi bakla!)

The “oh, please” couple – I consider myself a sucker for weddings. This is my favorite occasion. But come to think of it, I never realize that we will come to a point that we are so anxious for that day to come and that we want to finish all our pending stuffs and deal with it. This is a time for us when we are more excited of the “life” after the wedding, rather than the wedding day itself. I think what triggered us to move on to this phase was when we found our house and we are so excited designing our home and living together in one roof. I think this happened 2 months before the wedding, when we’re done booking almost all suppliers, we’re running errands for gown fittings, finalizing invitations, etc. You’d wish that you’ll see the end of the tunnel and be a wife already. Haha, funny but true! You just can’t wait to know when all the meetings and signing of contracts will end.

The “what else?” couple – I had my share of wedding nightmares barely 2 months before the wedding and after that one dream, that’s it. Thank God, I did’nt reach the point where I can’t sleep and can’t eat because of wedding jitters. For me, this stage is a test of my Oc-ness. I’d open my computer as soon as I come home from work and complete my customized checklist, wedding supplier requirements, wedding day timeframe, and OTD coordinator notes. I’d also update my file of wedding receipts, budget checklist and other to do lists. I’d also look for something to work on and would always think of doing something for the wedding. (usually ending up with a terrible back ache) I’am a hands-on bride and I always want to know what happens to every detail of my wedding. That’s why when we’d meet our coordinator, she’d always tell me this: “please, don’t do my job.” And laugh. Haha, but it’s true. I’d always look for something to do. Parang if I don’t do anything at all or don’t sleep late, I feel like I’m not ready for the wedding. Weird noh?!


The “letting go” couple – Now we are finally in this stage. This is the stage where you feel that you’ve exerted all your powers for the wedding already and that no matter what changes might happen, you’d still end up being married. I started letting go when I had another coffee cum meeting with my coordinator. I was in the middle of giving her notes, then she just put her hand on my lap, stared at me and said, “sis, no matter what happens, you will get married and be happy.” That’s my cue! After that, I started letting go and just enjoy the last few weeks of my single years. I would want to agree that being a little prepared and having an OC vein is finally paying off, and don’t get me wrong, we still have a lot to do, we just feel assured knowing that everything will fall in its right places (hopefully).

The “no choice” couple – this is the other twin of the “letting go” couple since they happen at almost the same time. Just when you are trying to let go and relax, certain parts in your wedding will change and will leave you no choice but to get the second best option. For one, our Officiating pastor will not be able to get his license before our wedding. Just when we had all misalettes done and ready already, he told us that. Second, our musician/friend of my groom backed out and we had no choice but to extend our ceremony musicians to reception. Given that they can only do rehearsals two hours before the ceremony, our pictorial schedule and timetable will all be moved earlier since most of my entourage will be our singers as well. This is also the time when you will deal with the hardest part of the wedding…the guestlist. When you’ve assigned one person at this table, he will text you and tell you that he’s not sure if he can come. And so you are dumbfounded and left with more problems if you want to just cut him off the list and invite others or retain his name and just accept the fact that a certain seat might be empty on your wedding day. Talking about changes, huh? I think every couple, in one way or the other, will experience these. What will set the difference is how you see the situation and how good your second best option is. Remember, this is the best time to say… “Breathe….Relax…”

One friend wrote, exert all your efforts in preparations, set your expectations low. And I think that’s what we are practicing right now. I don’t expect that we will have a perfect wedding (well, for one, nobody else will), neither a free-glitch wedding…What’s more important is that your heart, mind and body are prepared to take another journey with the person God has brought you to. And that no matter what happens…even if one table is empty, the projector is not working, or even if it rains (oh but I pray that it wont)…at the end of the day, you will be full of joy knowing that you are finally married… :)

Above all these, the most important stage in the wedding is the realization that God has blessed me with the man I’ve always prayed for. I know Simon is the one blessing I will always be grateful for and that I will always see and feel God’s love through him. So no matter how our wedding day will turn out, or how bridezilla I might evolve into…It will always be my dream wedding come true. :)


Jacque Fermin
(this post I dedicate to all my dear friends in w@w, my sistahs and best friends who will soon get married, suppliers whom i've shared my excitement with: Clarice, Emily; dream supplier-turned-friend Madge, my correspondent Marbee, and to the one i experience these stages with...Simon)