The one with if only i could

Being a mother, I can only ask the best for my daughter.  I'd give up everything for her.  I'd do anything to make her life better.  But these aspirations are tested when times of trials come.  Simone got really sick.  She caught pneumonia and what they call "tigdas hangin" all at the same time.  I could'nt imagine what i would do at that time.  I blamed myself for not being a good mom, I blamed myself for the things that i wished i should have done, things i should have thought of.  The minute i saw the rashes on her tummy i cried like a well.  Simone saw me and she cried too.  She hugged me and kept saying "mommy, sorry ha".  Simon was there hugging me asking me to stop coz simone was crying already.  At that time, i felt a failure.  I thought my being a sahm/wahm would be equivalent to being more effective as a mom, that i did'nt allow any room for mistakes, any chance for error because i have all the resources, the time and the luxury to be the mom i wanted to be for simone.  But God is saying, "To be a good parent, you need to entrust to Me your family.  You can't handle things on your own.  You can't take all the load because it will take a toll on you"

When we rushed her to the hospital, she did'nt have any fever at all.  The rashes just bothered me.  But the doctors had to take some blood to rule out dengue.  She was crying so loud at the sight of the needle, was trying to cover her face so she won't see.  And i hugged her and kept telling her that mommy's just here.  Yes, i was there but i felt so helpless.  I felt her pain and that i could'nt do anything to ease it up. After that, we headed back to the car and waited until the results of the tests. I did'nt want to stay in the hospital longer.  For the two hours we were at the car, I kept on praying to God to please spare my daughter and protect her from any sickness.  I know God listened.  I could'nt find the courage to get the results so i asked my husband to get it for me.  After a while, he texted me with good news that simone's platelets are very normal and that everything is viral. praise God! they even did the ns1 test for dengue and it showed negative results too which made us really happy.  I was so tired that night.

Thank you Lord for healing simone.