Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The one with supermom labels

I've always wanted to play it cool when it comes to being a mother.  But truth of the matter is every mom wants to be "the supermom". And it took me a while to set aside the idealism of every motherhood. I know that every mother can be the best mother that she could be and you can really never compare yourself as a mom to other moms because it will just eat you...alive. The moment you gave birth and held your baby in your arms, you wanted to give him your all and you know that no one will love him more than you do.  Geared to giving the best, you found yourself with your first struggle of motherhood...breastfeeding.  I've always wanted to breastfeed longer and even if my friends who were breastfed moms don't tell me, i still had this feeling that they were better moms than i.  I was a first time mom and being able to stop breastfeeding after 7 months was hard but i felt that it was the only thing i had to do then.   Then there came the milestones...oh these milestones of one's child.  Mothers tend to make their friend's kids the chart of their kid's milestone chart.  Funny how three or five months can be so big of a difference as an age gap from a mother's point of view.  Like "oh my, my kid has to learn the abc's because the kid almost her age knows the alphabet like the back of his hand.  Like in my case, i was concerned that my kid still wears diapers at night.  I know that every child has a pace but it makes me wonder why my kid cant and some took it easy adjusting.  It was the same feeling that my friend felt when she found out that simone learned to write at an early age.  She felt her kid was behind and then blamed only herself for not being hands on.  Oh there goes the hands-on term again.  It's another one of those mom's stereotypes.  Like if you're not employed, you're expected to be a hands on mom and then you are now pressured to make your kid achieve all the milestonrs he can achieve at his age. Now that simone is 4, i've realized that even if we,moms, don't intend to compare,im sure one wsy or another we have done this.  Reason behind? Maybe because it's one way of assuring ourselves that we are not the worst moms or just to make sure that our kid is doing okay.  But while i was trying to get the hang of being a mom, there really were these labels that go "against" other labels of being a mom.  Some of you might not agree but let me share with you my thoughts: 1st label: the working mom vs. The stay at home mom 2nd label: the breastfeeding mom vs. The formula milk mom 3rd label: the homeschooling mom vs. School mom 1st label: stay at home mom I resigned when simone was just 6 months old for the reason that i want to spend more time with her.  But i also said to myself that i need to look for something to do that i love and to be able to do it on my own time.  So being a stay/work at home mom, i felt more is expected from me to raise a better kid.  People may not say it, but i felt it.  But it did'nt really pressure me at all.  I was geared to giving simone a good foundation when she was 1 and 2yo.  I lessened our study routines when she turned three giving her more time to play and explore her world.  And i think she turned out ok. :)  But if you look at the other side of the coin, i don't have anything against working moms.  I consider myself one since i work at home too and i grew up with a working mom.  And i know that being a sahm or a wahm may not be for everybody. 2nd label: in between breastfeeding mom and formula mom I've breastfed simone for seven months, not exclusively but that's the most i can do then.  Before,ive never cared for the ad statement after every milk commercial that says "breastfeeding is still best for babies" until i had my own baby.  And i've always felt envious of moms who have breastfed longer.  I felt that i did'nt give the best i can give.  Somehow, there's this fear that if ever my kid turns out to be sickly or that she's not good in school, i only have myself to be blamed because i didnt breastfeed her longer. :( i know, i'm getting paranoid and all but it was really one of my frustrations as a mother. 3rd label:  school mom I thought i'd be a homeschooling mom.  But who am i kidding?! I enjoy our study time but i dont' see myself doing it for the rest of her schooling years.  Although i noticed that now that she's studying and we have lesser time to do the mom-kid lessons, i realize that she really learned a lot when i was homeschooling her.  I realize that yeah, it is really effective...i'm just as sure though that i won't be able to make it last...i'd go insane! So whatever hat you're wearing as a mom, we must always remember that one is not better than the other but it is what works best for you and your kid. Always ask God for wisdom and He will direct you as to how best raise your kid. 

2 comments:

The Sweet Life said...

very well said mama! we're on the same side ...

jacque said...

thanks mama! IMO ako nito when i wrote this. ahahaha