Motherhood has tested me...once again.
It was supposed to be a simple family activity in school that turned out to be an eye-opener to me as a mom. Simone had a UN day yesterday and her lola even made a costume for her as one of the Spice Girls. Her lolo bought a wig at Divisoria just so she'd be in her best costume. She practiced all her moves and steps for their special number. I cooked kebabs to bring for the potluck assigned to us. And all these were put to "waste", food not eaten, she did'nt join the presentation, she wore her costume for a good 5 minutes.
At first, I blamed everyone and everything around me. I blamed her for not sleeping early the night before, I blamed the school for choosing a very hot venue to hold an activity, I even blamed her wig for making her so uncomfortable. I blamed everything and everyone...except myself.
While i was scolding her at the highest pitch of my voice, i was crying because it was then that i realized my faults and felt a failure as a mom. I've always thought and expected Simone enjoys school so much, heck, she's academically doing good in school. She loves her classmates and teachers so much. So not being in her best mood was something i was'nt prepared for. And i could have handled the situation better but a part of me wanted to teach her and instill in her that she can't always act inappropriately when she doesn't feel like it. She can't always throw tantrums in a blink of an eye. I know, sooner or later, i have to teach this to her...and the day has come.
I know i could have been more matured and talked to her nicely but the mortal mom in me felt otherwise and i just flared up and felt i had to let it out, else i'd go crazy.
The only person who was so sensible at that time was my husband. I appreciate that he was so calm while we were both crying. He just let me expressed my feelings, he let me cried and poured out what i was feeling. And i felt better specially when he texted me words of wisdom that all parents should realize:
~ Know that even if your kid excels as a kid, advanced in some aspects, realize that she is just 4 years old. She's still a baby. (and will always be one)
~ It's ok that you reprimanded her, spanked her but don't let the anger sleep with you. Always patch things up with love and assure her that you forgive her and explain to her why what she did was not right.
~ That no kid is perfect. I know this but sometimes, I maybe expecting too much from her. That she can always understand whatever i say, that she'll get it right away because at the same time, this is the only time i can teach her about discipline. It's just that there's always a better way that scolding and hitting.
I realized sooo many things yesterday. I still thank the Lord for giving me these realizations. It had to reach at a certain level for me to understand these. Man, motherhood's really challenging...I'd rather solve debt problems than handle this. Haha. But seriously, thank you Lord for these little challenges in life that would hopefully make us better parents :)